Losing myself in a specific misery felt so much better than finding myself in a general sense of apathy and disappointment.

It's easier to keep liking the boy. But when I think about him I sense the futility and I can't bring myself to really feel it. I know I'm always hoping a guy will fall into my lap and I'll be entranced but the truth is I can't stomach the thought of a crush. Nothing makes me feel more pathetic than unrequited infatuation. I can't be nothing to someone who means so much to me. I already feel like I barely matter to anyone.



hold me close like we both died
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