At the moment I'd really love it if the subtle sense of disappointment in the background of my life washed over me and erased my current state of frustrating. If I was a rock and this were a wave it would break me apart so completely that I could mold into something new. I could disintegrate & I'd never have to be a specific part of anything again. I'd just be another grain of sand times a thousand.

But that's not the case. I was supposed to be keeping myself from falling for one, specific guy but I let my guard slip too far for too long and now I can't stop thinking about him. I hate being back here again & it's funny because up until a few days ago I couldn't stop complaining about how there was no one to like. I can't stand crushes anymore. You grow obsessed with someone who barely cares that you exist.

And I'm still so hopeless.



hold me close like we both died
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