I thought I was so okay with the notion of waiting on a relationship. The waiting isn't killing me. It's not really bothersome. II'm impatient, yeah, but it's not knowing when or if that bothers me. But I thought I was okay with the idea of being without love for a long time.

I thought I wanted sex. I thought the problem was that I wanted it to be special and to mean something and not be cheap and degrading and blah blah blah.

But I'm thinking I was wrong. Or that my mind's changed. I want to be close to someone. To take late night drives or walks. To have long phpne calls. To have the kiss. The adorable, romantic kiss. Not the cheap, impatient fuck.

I think I like this guy I don't really know. I feel stupid for letting myself slide into this situation again so I refuse to embrace it. But not everything is avoidable.



hold me close like we both died
words & design © Not-To-Be