It's probably just impatience and unfuffiled desire. One of my goals for the summer was one kiss. I know that if I'm closing in on September and I haven't gotten any action, I'll do something stupid. I don't have a plan or an idea of what I'll do, I just know I'll make a rash decision, probably make a fool out of myself, probably end up with regret. Impatience overwhelms reason. With enough time it'll take over.

I'm so sick of waiting for life to start. I feel like I'm still in middle school, looking forward to high school and an exciting life. It didn't come and it isn't coming. Next year will probably be as banal as last year. It's been a long time that I've been calculating how long it's been since my last kiss. It's about a year and four months now. At three months it felt like a long time, at six months it felt like an eternity, and by a year I completely forgot the notion that it was possible. It's been a month and a half since I've liked a guy and I can't stand it. There's no way for me to improve my situation, to fix my problem. So it means more waiting for things to change. I think I've almost given up hope. I should just let it go. It's easier at the bottom, when there's nowhere to go but up.



hold me close like we both died
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