As usual I can't find someone worth my eyes' lingering. The few interesting people always fit into the worst cirumstances. It still seems so unfair that it never works out. When I do take that risk-- let myself really fall-- the feelings are never reciprocrated. Like Vegas in a way. I keep loving it more and it only moves farther and farther away from what I want it to be.

My friend told our math class that I was in love with this actor I'll never meet. A harmless exageration of truth, but still, it hits the soft areas.

It's the problem's that's bothered me since I started high school what feels like a million years ago: what if I never fall for anyone REAL. What if I only love my version of them, my movie influenced idea of perfection. Of course I can write of my current situation as lack of opportunity-- because, lets face it, it probably won't be until college that I meet any new, interesting guys, much less fall in love with them-- but what if I never fall for anyone.

What if. What if. What if. What if something magical happens and I fall madly in love with someone who loves me. That's a thought I enjoy milling over.



hold me close like we both died
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