There's so much good and bad about high school. So many perfect and awkward fits. Our winter formal is tomorrow night and I'm not going. I want to have a reason to dress up nice. A realistic hope for a perfect dance, a perfect kiss.

It's Valentine's Day soon. I can't believe a stupid, commerical holiday actually affects my mood, but it stirs up the feelings that always linger. I am lonely. Friends aren't cutting it anymore. I want to fall in love. It's not fair that everyone else gets to. I at least want the chance. I want a million chances. I want perfect, movie perfect, but I know less is more realistic.

I am lonely. I feel it to my bones every single night when I close my eyes and involuntarely imagine what could but may never be.

I want a real connection. And all those stupid love songs taunt me all the fucking time. The girls and guys who don't deserve attention get the most.I t's not fair. Life isn't fair. It's hard. Irritatingly hard. And sometimes, I wonder if the challenge is really worth the reward.



hold me close like we both died
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