That is not what this is. It's not ambiguity either. There are no fitting words, or at least ones I like.

In conversation today somehow my friend got to saying "that's just because you're bi."

I don't think it fits me because I hate the way that term sounds. Bi. I dislike the only bisexual people I know. Most high school girls who claim bisexuality retract their statements within a month (later to claim then retract it again and again). For the past year I've checked the "not sure" box on all the surveys and I haven't given it much thought.

I don't know. Women are beautiful. Soft, fragile, kind but way too crazy. Men are just as attractive. Hard, strong, stupid but they tend to try hard.

I've never imagined myself dating a woman. The thought doesn't appeal to me when I consider the girls I know. But the thought of dating any of the guys I know doesn't appeal either.

I have kissed a girl. Not a real kiss, a stupid high school reason kiss. I have been attracted to girls and I have been attracted to boys. However, my attraction to boys has always proved far stronger.

I think I'm going in circles with this. Just trying to put my thoughts to paper in a mildly uneffective way.

Sex is not the first thought when I think of love. I have never imagined a girl standing in the rain, bringing me roses, writing me a love song but I don't write off the option.

So what does that make me? I have no attraction to either set of genitals but I find the rest of the rest of both bodies perfectly appealing. I think I'll stick with not sure for now because it's far more fitting than any of the other labels out there and in this society we're all obsessed with labels.



hold me close like we both died
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